Honestly, I thought they were making a mistake. At first I resisted, but after they scouted me two more times, I decided to give it a try.

You’re already going through self-image issues as a young girl; when your body is naturally curvy and you’re told to lose weight, the magnitude is immense. I did juice cleanse after juice cleanse, but nothing stuck. Eventually a “plus-size” agency in New York wanted to sign me. My body type wasn’t right for them either. I still booked little jobs here and there. Clients would use to me to model their bras, but they weren’t necessarily in love with my actual body—or me, for that matter.

Finally, in 2017, I signed with my first Los Angeles–based agency. We did a test shoot, and when my head shot came out on their website, I saw my appearance had been completely photoshopped. My lips were bigger, my back thinner—everything. When I confronted them, they lied: “We don’t know what you’re talking about.” I dropped them. I said, “I’m sorry. I can’t have an agency that doesn’t love me for me, so I’m out.” It’s hard, because aesthetic perfection, which is subjective anyway, is something that’s kind of embedded in our brains now. When you see flawless, cellulite-free skin in an image, your reaction is to look at yourself and think, I have to cover this up.

When I found out I was cast in PLAYBOY, I couldn’t believe it, because I still wasn’t 100 percent confident with my body. This was my turning point. I went into the shoot expecting someone to say, “Her hips are a little too big.” Nobody said anything. It was a revelatory moment.

I was always sure of myself as a kid. I never doubted anything about myself. In the industry, that assurance was gradually ripped away from me. I had to relearn how to love myself—and, more important, to love myself no matter what anybody else has to say. I’m grateful, because I couldn’t learn this anywhere else. Literally everything related to my appearance was torn down, and I’ve built myself back up. I’m unbreakable now.

This level of self-love can never be taken away from me. As cheesy as it sounds, it’s true and it’s powerful. Now the industry is changing in the best way possible. Models are becoming more authentic. All these girls and boys are stepping up and saying, “Hey, this isn’t real. This is real. This is who I am.” And that’s beautiful.

ON BOUNDARIES
I simultaneously try to keep my personal life private while sharing as much as I can with people on Instagram. Having followers is something that I’m adjusting to. I want to include more than beautiful pictures while maintaining at least some of my privacy.

ON SIMPLE PLEASURES
I’m about to sound like such a grandma, but I really just love a good book. And I love to draw. Or I’ll sit on the couch, hang out with my dog—a golden retriever named Apollo—and watch some HGTV and be completely happy. Problem is, when people ask you what your idea of fun is and you say, “Watching HGTV,” they’re like, “All right.… I’m good.”

ON COMFORT FOOD
My favorite food is a classic pepperoni pizza. I go to Rally in Vancouver. It’s my all-time favorite. I’ll order a whole pizza and I can finish the whole thing if I’m feeling it.

ON HAVING A VOICE
Freedom of speech is being threatened at the moment, but social media is shifting things to the point where we can’t be ignored. It’s an amazing time to have this kind of platform because it might be the only way our voices get through. It’s also a portal into the rest of the world for people in small towns—like me.

ON GAMING
I’m really into video games, which people find hard to believe. I had a little brother growing up, and we’d always play Xbox together and I’d just destroy him. It’s funny: When I play online, everybody thinks I’m a guy because I have a generic user name. Nobody ever finds out. That’s the cool part of it—in the online gaming community nobody assumes you’re a girl.

ON ANIMALS
I love orcas, and I am really passionate about getting them out of Sea World. I’ve watched the documentary Blackfish I don’t even know how many times—I think more than 16. I feel really strongly about these animals.

ON THE GREAT OUTDOORS
I don’t know what it is about being outside and sweating, but I feel sexiest when I’ve just finished a really tough hike. There’s no more empowering feeling than when I have accomplished something that’s really hard on my body. It makes me feel like a badass.

ON NEW HORIZONS
I’m trying to explore more of Europe. I want to go to Ireland. There’s something about all the lush green hills and centuries-old castles that has me hooked, and I haven’t even been there yet.