On my first group date with Nick, we sat down in a room apart from the other women and began our conversation. I can barely remember much from my season, due to nerves and constant drinking to calm the level of anxiety that I had never experienced before in my 28 years of life. I do remember him asking me, “What was your most interesting relationship?” which was a rather odd question. And thinking back now, it definitely was a prompt to get me to bring up my sexuality. Which I completely fell for. Now, if given the chance to answer, I would tell him that I dated the mayor of the city that I once lived in. Because dating a woman isn’t all that interesting to me, even back then in 2016.

This one answer pretty much set the stage and minor story line of a character in which I was typecasted throughout my time on The Bachelor. The only time I was shown speaking to Nick was when I expressed to him why I chose to tell him about my ex-girlfriend—it wasn’t as a plot to entice or excite him, but only to be upfront and honest about my past. I wouldn’t want him to find out later and assume that I was ever hiding anything from him, or that I was in any way ashamed. Nick and I had conversations that didn’t revolve around my sexuality, but they weren’t aired. For example, we talked about being raised in large families, my love of New Orleans and me wanting to take him there.

There were so many intense and emotional conversations that were never aired on the show. I had a chat with Raven Gates about religion and my family; I mentioned being nervous that they would have to hear about my sexuality and that I would be forced to have another conversation with my family about it. Many emotional interviews about my concern that my family would have to watch me coming out on The Bachelor were never aired. During my conversation with Nick on the night before I was sent home, we spoke about my family and how I felt about my relationship with them. He had asked me how I would feel about my family not approving of someone whom I was in love with, and that’s when I told him that their opinions didn’t influence my decision on who I loved or wanted to be with.

When I was 17, I started spending time with a woman whom I'd met through a friend. We would all hang out in a group setting, and then it eventually started to become just the two of us. It was initially a platonic friendship, until one day, she kissed me. It was nothing like my first kiss with a girl, which was in a hot tub while playing truth-or-dare at a friend’s birthday party. This was different. I liked kissing her. Her lips were soft and delicate. After that, it wasn’t platonic. I grew up in a Christian household where homosexuality was seen as a sin, so I struggled with disobeying my religion and my parents. My relationship with this woman was tumultuous because of my inability to commit to her, and that was partially because I still wanted to date other men. When I ended things with her, she contacted my mother and told her everything. This was not the ideal way of coming out to my parents, but my parents kind of brushed it under the rug, gave me a slap on my wrist and we never spoke of it again.

Unintentionally, I stopped dating women for a while until I was reunited with a woman whom I had know back when I was 16 years old. I had forgotten all about her until the day I saw her again a few years later. We began dating almost immediately. I fell so completely in love with her, and I wanted to be with her forever. When I told my mom this, she replied that I did not love this woman, and that she and I could just be friends. After that response and knowing my mom’s beliefs, I never brought it up again.

We had that “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy: My family didn’t ask about my love life, and I didn’t tell them about it. My girlfriend would come over for the holidays as just my “friend.” She had a hard time with this because she came from a more accepting family, who had known she was a lesbian from an early age. One weekend, my sisters had come down to stay with me, and while they were over, I put away all of the photos of my girlfriend with me. She noticed this, and it caused a huge argument over me hiding her from my family, and it ultimately ended our three-year relationship. I later learned that she had bought a ring and was planning to propose sometime at the end of that year. That was my most serious relationship before my time on The Bachelor.

When I found out that there would be a bisexual contestant on this season of Bachelor in Paradise, I was initially confused. I thought to myself, Where did she come from? I was a little skeptical, to be honest, because there was no sign of someone from any previous seasons identifying as bisexual. I thought I was completely alone in this heteronormative reality-dating franchise, and suddenly I wasn’t? I had a ton of questions: Did the producers create a story line to introduce another bisexual, or how did they figure out a way for there to be a same-sex relationship on the show? One week, the women would have the roses to hand out—but what would happen the next week? I was also hearing rumors that this love connection was formed outside of Paradise, prior to taping. Still, despite the uncertainty, I was excited to have another LGBT member in Bachelor Nation.

After watching the first episode of this year's Bachelor in Paradise, I can appreciate how smart the producers were in handling Demi’s sexuality. As the audience, you can see that the producers consciously directed her story in a far more delicate and respectful way than they did with mine. They had viewers connect with Demi through every step of her coming-out process. She spoke briefly with fellow cast member and the Bachelorette, Hannah B., about Demi's parents and how they responded well to hearing her open up about her sexuality. And I’m so pleased with how maturely Demi treated her relationship with Derek by being upfront about her feelings with someone back home.

When Chris Harrison invited Kristian to come join Demi on the beach, giving the franchise its first same-sex couple, it was crucial because viewers needed to see the true genuine connection that these two women had for each other. At first, it was like we were hearing about two women having feelings for each other, instead of witnessing two humans and their love for one another. If Demi would’ve left the beach that day, not only would we be missing out on her hilarious commentary and spunky personality, but we wouldn’t be able to witness her love for Kristian. Demi leaving immediately after opening up about her sexuality would have left confused viewers to pass judgment following her exit, and we wouldn’t have been able to join the couple on this journey. I think that the franchise is definitely doing it right this time, and I could not be happier with the respectful representation of a fluid cast member.

It’s been nearly three years since my time on The Bachelor, and not much has changed with my family and our lack of communication about my love life. My older sister has since gotten married to a woman, and my parents were not in attendance. That is just something that is never going to change, and there are a lot of queer people who have to deal with the separation of family and personal life in order to keep both. I’ve come to terms with what I can share with my family and what I choose not to—it will never affect the love I have for them.

As for my love life, I’ve been on a real journey of self-love and healing from past relationships. I feel healthier than ever, and I love the woman I’ve become. I know that one day, I will end up with someone who will choose me every day. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get the opportunity to search for romance on television again, but I would never turn down another chance to share with the world an experience like finding love.

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Jaimi King vied for Nick Viall's roses on The Bachelor season 21 in 2017. She returned to the franchise that summer for Bachelor in Paradise season four.