If you want to get to know someone sitting within earshot, you’re going to have to do some flirting. On the ground, you could be a flirting superstar, but in the sky, the rules are different. Heather Poole has worked as a flight attendant for 20 years, and is the author of Cruising Altitude: Tales of Crashpads, Crew Drama, and Crazy Passengers at 35,000 Feet. She has witnessed plenty of passenger-to-passenger flirting, and done a little inflight flirting herself. “Wherever you live and work, you live with people who are like you and you work with people who are like you, so you’re just going to meet ‘your’ people.” Poole sees every flight as a chance to meet somebody you probably wouldn’t otherwise—and she sees layovers and delays that way, too. Instead of feeling stuck and miserable, she says, “Take advantage of delays. Look around. Say hello.” When she has a layover, she often checks the airport hashtag on Twitter to see who else is around, because if she sees someone who seems fun, it’s easy to reach out and make a connection.

Fran Greene, LCSWR, a dating and relationship coach, and the author of several books on flirting (including The Secret Rules of Flirting, which came out this fall) confirms that what you wear is important, and suggests “unusual jewelry, any kind of clothing that has your favorite passion, whether it’s a sweatshirt, a baseball cap, a tote bag or a folder.” It could have the name of a school you went to or a place you visited. “A great flirt should never go on a plane without a prop. A prop is a natural conversation starter. You want your flirting partner to start a conversation with you.”

If your seatmate doesn’t start a conversation, you’ll have to make the first move—but it doesn’t have to be a big one. If you see someone struggling with their bag, offer to help put it in the overhead bin. Greene says that offering or asking for help can be a great way to get a conversation going. She suggests a compliment like, “You look so comfortable in your seat. I can never get comfortable. What’s the secret?” and points out, “When you’re talking about something like that, you’re complimenting the person and simultaneously asking for help. So you’re giving that person an opportunity to really respond to you.” Try to avoid yes/no questions, and ask something that encourages the other person to open up.

Sometimes, according to Poole, saying ‘Hi’ is enough to start a conversation. “That ‘Hi’ will get them out of whatever world they’re in. At first they might be confused, then they’ll be intrigued, and then they’ll talk to you. Nobody says ‘Hi’ anymore, and it’s very simple.” She continues, “Don’t force it. That space is so cramped, and people are dealing with a lot. You don’t know what kind of emotional thing they’re dealing with or where they are in their life, but it’s nice to just say a couple of words when you sit down. Then you just feel it out.” As for cues to "feel" out? Be aware of body language.Greene says if someone isn’t making any eye contact with you, or immediately puts their headphones in and closes their eyes, it’s pretty clear they’re saying, “Leave me alone.”

But is it ever okay to touch a seatmate you’re flirting with? Greene sounds hesitant as she says, “I think that if you’re engrossed in a conversation that’s fun and you sort of tap their arm gently… if it goes and flows with what you’re talking about. For the most part, you’re in such close quarters that touch is something I’d probably stay away from, because you sort of can’t escape.” When flirting on a flight, Greene says it can help to think of yourself as a host instead of a guest. She says, “Think of being a host at a party in your own home, and look for ways you can make the other passenger feel comfortable so they have a good experience.” Another way to make your seatmate comfortable is by offering them some food, especially if it’s an individually-wrapped snack.

Poole says, “When you get on a plane, people get really excited about the snacks, even though they’re boring snacks. It’s just funny.” She says when she’s walking up the aisle, she always notices when people are eating good food, adding, “If it’s a man with a really nice salad—something that looks fresh and healthy—I’m like ‘That guy is interesting!’ Just because that took a little work.” She met her husband on a flight, and says, “He had a sandwich, and he offered it to me. I just thought, ‘It’s a man with a plan—a man who can take care of himself, because he made his own sandwich. And he’s a sharing, caring person, because he’s offering his sandwich to me, and nobody ever offers anything.”

If you’re interested in someone who isn’t next to you, Poole recommends buying them a drink.“Nobody really does that anymore, and it is a big deal when you do it. If you buy someone a drink, they should come over and say thank you. If they don’t, you know they’re rude and you don’t want to go out with them anyway," she explains. "If they do, it’s your chance to say, ‘Oh, yeah, I just thought you were really cute and I wanted to say hello.’”

Eventually, no matter how well the inflight flirting goes, you’re going to hear an announcement that the plane is making its final descent. If you want to keep this person in your life, it’s time to take action. Greene says, “This is where it’s really important to have a business card, even if you don’t have a business card for work.” That way, instead of asking for the other person’s phone number, she says, “You can say something like, ‘I really enjoyed meeting you, and I’d love to see you again. Here’s my card.’” Or, Poole has another idea: “Put your Twitter or Facebook or Instagram on it, so they can scope you out and get a feel for you. It’s a nonaggressive way to get to know somebody.”

Whether you’re flirting on the ground or in the air, Greene says, “It’s about having fun, and just never knowing where it’s going to lead to.” Whether or not it leads to a holiday hookup, bonding with a seatmate will help the flight go by a little faster, and that’s always a good thing."