Sorry, Dating App Culture Isn't as Universal as You Think
Swiping continues to be the most common way to date in the US, but what about the rest of the world?
Sara Kurfess
Ask any traveler and they’ll tell you cultural exchange is (mostly) a good thing. Affordable air travel over the last 40 years has allowed college students to study in other countries, honeymooners to celebrate their love in a foreign country, and bachelor parties to black out in Bangkok red-light bars rather than Las Vegas casino floors. Young people across borders have exchanged intellectual ideals, artistic ideas, and—increasingly—body fluids.
Whether you want to call it dating culture, hook-up culture, or just international digital booty calls, the decreasing importance of national borders has led to plenty of opportunity to make meeting women across the world as easy as meeting women from across the street. And the rise of dating apps like Tinder and Bumble in western culture have led use of those apps to spread around the world. But you may want to beef up on local dating app customs before you touch down. From matching with uber-liberated Swedes to finding yourself messaging with someone's mom in India, each country has local trends and customs that may greatly impact whether or not you’re spending the night alone in your hotel room.
The average Playboy reader is probably well-versed on the culture surrounding dating apps in the United States. Online dating has, after all, been around for quite some time: Match and eHarmony launched in 1995 and 2000, respectively. Tinder, which is arguably the most common dating app in the US, launched in 2012 and Grindr, akin to Tinder’s LGBTQ equivalent, has been around since 2009. According to Julia Bekker, an NYC-based dating coach and professional matchmaker unsurprisingly confirms, “Dating apps have become the new ‘we met at a bar.’ People still meet in person, but it has just become easier and more common to turn to an app because of the accessibility it provides.” Because of that, online dating has spread throughout the world; Tinder claims their app is active in every country (though one wonders how many hookups are happening in Vatican City.) Using it on vacation is, of course, a wonderful way to meet foreign nationals for a variety of recreational evening activities – but before you start swiping, you may want to be aware of some key cultural differences (unless you want to swipe right on someone’s dad, that is.)
The average Playboy reader is probably well-versed on the culture surrounding dating apps in the United States. Online dating has, after all, been around for quite some time: Match and eHarmony launched in 1995 and 2000, respectively. Tinder, which is arguably the most common dating app in the US, launched in 2012 and Grindr, akin to Tinder’s LGBTQ equivalent, has been around since 2009. According to Julia Bekker, an NYC-based dating coach and professional matchmaker unsurprisingly confirms, “Dating apps have become the new ‘we met at a bar.’ People still meet in person, but it has just become easier and more common to turn to an app because of the accessibility it provides.” Because of that, online dating has spread throughout the world; Tinder claims their app is active in every country (though one wonders how many hookups are happening in Vatican City.) Using it on vacation is, of course, a wonderful way to meet foreign nationals for a variety of recreational evening activities – but before you start swiping, you may want to be aware of some key cultural differences (unless you want to swipe right on someone’s dad, that is.)
My cab driver from the Medellin airport proudly told me about all seven of his girlfriends. When I asked him if they knew about each other, he burst out laughing and said ‘are you crazy?’
The United Kingdom is a popular destination for American travelers, so you may think that dating app customs translate across the pond. That’s true, but only to a certain degree. Unlike in the US, if you walk into a pub with your pals and pull out your dating app, you’re likely to get more pity than praise. “Dating apps like Tinder and Bumble are hugely popular in the UK, but also nobody’s first choice,” says Visko Matich, head dating coach at Life Uncivilized. He’s coached men from across the world both on dating women from their own cultures and on navigating others. He says that people in the UK do meet on apps but it’s not exactly something you brag about. “It’s not uncommon for people to become embarrassed, laugh, or look at the floor when they tell you that’s how they met.”
If you’re just visiting the UK and looking for a local Brit to show you a good time, don’t take it too personally if she doesn’t show up. Matich says that the biggest trend he sees in the UK is that women don’t take the apps particularly seriously, using them more for entertainment when they’re bored than to truly meet someone. If you’re aiming to make a connection with a gal from the UK, one night or otherwise, you may want to put down your phone and head to the pub instead.
If you’re looking for more luck with the ladies, keep heading north to Sweden, land of hot blondes and cold nights. In this liberated coastal country, women often take the lead on dating apps and will commonly be first to message or arrange a date. “Sweden is a no-stigma zone,” says Connell Barrett, a dating coach at Dating Transformation. He’s been in the businesses for 14 years and has a client roster of more than 1,000 men. “Anything goes in Sweden, except disrespecting people based on race, gender and religion.”
If you’re just visiting the UK and looking for a local Brit to show you a good time, don’t take it too personally if she doesn’t show up. Matich says that the biggest trend he sees in the UK is that women don’t take the apps particularly seriously, using them more for entertainment when they’re bored than to truly meet someone. If you’re aiming to make a connection with a gal from the UK, one night or otherwise, you may want to put down your phone and head to the pub instead.
If you’re looking for more luck with the ladies, keep heading north to Sweden, land of hot blondes and cold nights. In this liberated coastal country, women often take the lead on dating apps and will commonly be first to message or arrange a date. “Sweden is a no-stigma zone,” says Connell Barrett, a dating coach at Dating Transformation. He’s been in the businesses for 14 years and has a client roster of more than 1,000 men. “Anything goes in Sweden, except disrespecting people based on race, gender and religion.”
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But you may have to adjust your game: while being confident-bordering-on-cocky may work in the US, you’ll get shot down pretty quickly if you pull that in Sweden. “Treating people with respect is an attractive trait. Being cocky or arrogant lowers your status to a Swede,” says Barrett. And if you’re planning on doing a bit of swiping in Stockholm, know that the local population may not be so keen on seeing you do it. The reputation Tinder has locally is that it’s a great way for American men to steal Swedish women. The running joke is that it’s called swiping because American men swipe away all the Swedish women. When you open the app, be prepared for lots of matches, and possibly a lot of first messages that simply read “Fika?” It’s a shorthand way to ask for a coffee date while skipping all the pre-date bullshit.
If you’re planning your trip solely around adding a few notches to your bedpost, you may be tempted to book a flight to Brazil. It’s been rated as the sexiest country in the world, and if you’re thinking of heading that way, you’ll be pleased to know that Matich thinks it’s the best country for dating apps. “Not only are apps used by pretty much everyone,” he says, “but the open culture and sexual assertiveness of Brazilians make everything from matching to dating happen a lot faster.”
You’ll want to keep your Tinder profile up to date as that's the main app locals are using to meet tourists. Apps are often used for casual hookups (great news for romantically inclined American travelers), though you might not want to head home for the evening with your temporary paramour: it’s common for Brazilians to live with their parents until they get married. Unless you want to wake up and have breakfast with her mom, you’ll want to arrange a room at an aptly-named love hotel, which allow you to rent rooms by the hour.
Matich says that western guys should expect women in Brazil to have little hesitation about meeting up or having sex (as long as they like you, of course) with little attention paid to how long you’ve known each other. “There’s a level of tolerance and even expectation of sexual assertiveness that just doesn’t exist in other countries,” he adds. If you’re planning on being in the country for a while, you may want to download Brazil Cupid, a country-specific app that tends to be (a little) less hook-up focused.
Just a short flight from Brazil is arguably equally sexy Colombia, but just know that the girl you’re in bed with here may already have a boyfriend or two. “Latin machismo is a real thing,” says Matich. “My cab driver from the Medellin airport proudly told me about all seven of his girlfriends. When I asked him if they knew about each other, he burst out laughing and said ‘are you crazy?’” The flip side of the machismo however, is that Colombian women are used to men being sexually direct rather than hiding behind an app – so you may find more DTF women at a nightclub than you will on the app.
It’s not all great news for trying to sext your way around the world, however. You’re not going to find too many women on Tinder in China, where dating around basically equates to “easy.” Traditionally, relationships in China tend to be less focused on love and more on pragmatism, so if a woman is using a dating app, it would mean to friends and family that she didn’t have her priorities in line. “Saying you found your significant other on an app would be like someone in the U.S. saying they met their partner on Ashley Madison,” says Barrett. For the young people in China who are starting to embrace dating apps, or using WeChat for a similar purpose, you may be surprised if you’re lucky enough to meet a woman in person. “They slim their waists, enlarge their eyes, whiten their skin, and narrow their chins in photos,” says Barrett. “They literally look like different people.”
If you’re planning your trip solely around adding a few notches to your bedpost, you may be tempted to book a flight to Brazil. It’s been rated as the sexiest country in the world, and if you’re thinking of heading that way, you’ll be pleased to know that Matich thinks it’s the best country for dating apps. “Not only are apps used by pretty much everyone,” he says, “but the open culture and sexual assertiveness of Brazilians make everything from matching to dating happen a lot faster.”
You’ll want to keep your Tinder profile up to date as that's the main app locals are using to meet tourists. Apps are often used for casual hookups (great news for romantically inclined American travelers), though you might not want to head home for the evening with your temporary paramour: it’s common for Brazilians to live with their parents until they get married. Unless you want to wake up and have breakfast with her mom, you’ll want to arrange a room at an aptly-named love hotel, which allow you to rent rooms by the hour.
Matich says that western guys should expect women in Brazil to have little hesitation about meeting up or having sex (as long as they like you, of course) with little attention paid to how long you’ve known each other. “There’s a level of tolerance and even expectation of sexual assertiveness that just doesn’t exist in other countries,” he adds. If you’re planning on being in the country for a while, you may want to download Brazil Cupid, a country-specific app that tends to be (a little) less hook-up focused.
Just a short flight from Brazil is arguably equally sexy Colombia, but just know that the girl you’re in bed with here may already have a boyfriend or two. “Latin machismo is a real thing,” says Matich. “My cab driver from the Medellin airport proudly told me about all seven of his girlfriends. When I asked him if they knew about each other, he burst out laughing and said ‘are you crazy?’” The flip side of the machismo however, is that Colombian women are used to men being sexually direct rather than hiding behind an app – so you may find more DTF women at a nightclub than you will on the app.
It’s not all great news for trying to sext your way around the world, however. You’re not going to find too many women on Tinder in China, where dating around basically equates to “easy.” Traditionally, relationships in China tend to be less focused on love and more on pragmatism, so if a woman is using a dating app, it would mean to friends and family that she didn’t have her priorities in line. “Saying you found your significant other on an app would be like someone in the U.S. saying they met their partner on Ashley Madison,” says Barrett. For the young people in China who are starting to embrace dating apps, or using WeChat for a similar purpose, you may be surprised if you’re lucky enough to meet a woman in person. “They slim their waists, enlarge their eyes, whiten their skin, and narrow their chins in photos,” says Barrett. “They literally look like different people.”
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If you strike out in China, you may want to try your luck in India, where the dating app culture varies as widely as the country’s culture. India is Tinder’s biggest Asian market, something Barrett credits to India’s increasingly progressive culture. “Indian women on apps mirror American women, so you see more and more bikinis and flaunting sexuality. This is radical for India.” He says that the culture is, to some degree, “obsessed with the west,” but that doesn’t extend to older and more rural Indians. That means that if you swipe right outside of a major city, your first message may not be with an Indian women, but actually with her parents. “Parents used to use dating apps to try to arrange dates on behalf of their children. It still happens” says Barrett. There are even some dating apps designed just for parents to arrange their children’s future partners. Matrimonyis one such app, which allows users to select whether they’re creating the account for themselves or their child. You’ll still find, though, that in some cases, a Tinder profile that looks like it’s run by a friendly 20-something Indian woman may actually be run by her rather traditional 50-something parents.
India looks good compared to Georgia, however, a country so married to traditional values that you may want to delete your account before stepping foot in its borders. More than 80 percent of the country is Eastern Orthodox Christian, an extremely devout and traditional faith; to say women would be judged for using a dating app is a gross understatement. Barrett says that men should expect to see Tinder photos from women that show the back of their heads or a random, unrelated object, as sex before marriage brings shame to your family—but only if you’re female, of course. While it’s totally socially acceptable for a young teenage male to lose his virginity to a sex worker, a woman who wants multiple sexual partners (or just multiple dates, for that matter) is likely get slut-shamed at best and at worst, shunned from her family. So if you’re trying to swipe in the caucuses, temper your expectations.
If all this has put a damper on your world travelers, head the country where everything is bigger and better: the UAE. Consider it the United Nations of online dating. It’s a country where there’s zero stigma around online dating, though Barrett says it’s often used as much for expats to find friends and connections as it is for dating. Because Dubai, the capital of the UAE, is such a blend of world cultures, you’ll see all kinds of tropes when you start to swipe. “Cultural stereotypes play out visibly on dating apps,” notes Barrett. “You might see men men posing with their flashy cars in a way that westerners would call sleazy, or western women in tight bodycon dresses that Arab users would consider slutty." Since the UAE is a blend of cultures, you’ll find just about any nationality or kind of woman you’re interested in with only a few swipes. But get ready to show off or go home, because the UAE is all about being bigger and better. “A shirtless selfie is a Tinder cliché in the U.S., but in Dubai, it’s expected,” says Barrett. “You’d better show that six-pack.”
India looks good compared to Georgia, however, a country so married to traditional values that you may want to delete your account before stepping foot in its borders. More than 80 percent of the country is Eastern Orthodox Christian, an extremely devout and traditional faith; to say women would be judged for using a dating app is a gross understatement. Barrett says that men should expect to see Tinder photos from women that show the back of their heads or a random, unrelated object, as sex before marriage brings shame to your family—but only if you’re female, of course. While it’s totally socially acceptable for a young teenage male to lose his virginity to a sex worker, a woman who wants multiple sexual partners (or just multiple dates, for that matter) is likely get slut-shamed at best and at worst, shunned from her family. So if you’re trying to swipe in the caucuses, temper your expectations.
If all this has put a damper on your world travelers, head the country where everything is bigger and better: the UAE. Consider it the United Nations of online dating. It’s a country where there’s zero stigma around online dating, though Barrett says it’s often used as much for expats to find friends and connections as it is for dating. Because Dubai, the capital of the UAE, is such a blend of world cultures, you’ll see all kinds of tropes when you start to swipe. “Cultural stereotypes play out visibly on dating apps,” notes Barrett. “You might see men men posing with their flashy cars in a way that westerners would call sleazy, or western women in tight bodycon dresses that Arab users would consider slutty." Since the UAE is a blend of cultures, you’ll find just about any nationality or kind of woman you’re interested in with only a few swipes. But get ready to show off or go home, because the UAE is all about being bigger and better. “A shirtless selfie is a Tinder cliché in the U.S., but in Dubai, it’s expected,” says Barrett. “You’d better show that six-pack.”
