The Digital Rise of the Humiliatrix
I open up my phone a little past 9 a.m. I’m in the Midwest and a man in Southern California has just sent me a video of himself singing “I’m a Little Teapot.” I pull back my covers, open my blinds, and rub my eyes as I hear him sing and slap his balls—hard—with a wooden spoon every time he finishes a verse. “...Here is my spout!” I listen to him sing off-key as I throw on my clothes and get ready for the day. “Will I ever return to normal life?” he types to me after a long proclamation of his devotion and obedience to my existence. I don’t respond. He sends me a hundred dollars.
Most people have heard of a dominatrix: someone who has a sadistic role in sexual activities. Professional dommes typically have a dungeon or physical presence with clients. A humiliatrix is a subcategory where an individual verbally or physically humiliates someone who derives pleasure from being in the submissive role. According to Kinkly, a humiliatrix may “inflict stress and mental anguish.”
The humiliation does not necessarily have to be a sexual activity but can include daily tasks or chores implemented by the domme. Humiliation is considered closely knit to “financial domination” where men enjoy having their wallets and bank accounts emptied in risk of bankruptcy while simultaneously being called every adjective for “small dick” possible. Hypnosis is another large aspect to my role as a humiliatrix as I train my subs, with videos or audio, to become mentally devoted to my existence.
The daily or weekly tasks I assign to my subs include reading feminist literature, 300-word response essays to those readings, donating to Planned Parenthood or drinking shots of their own urine. All while I laugh in response, call them names, and watch them sulk as they attempt to impress and live up to my standards.
I don’t send nude photos, I don’t perform for them, I rarely give back. What keeps these men here is solely their desire to be humiliated and have their wallets drained.
“I will always be inferior to Women. Always,” writes one client.
It’s important to note that I do not blackmail. There are not binding contracts, and a bottom is able to leave at any time. I am not forcing them to adhere to my demands. They seek me or others like me who will laugh at them, call them cowards and demand $100 by the end of the day. Their kink is humiliation—their reality encourages a dominant and masculine man. I am here to emasculate them. What keeps these men here is solely their desire to be humiliated and have their wallets drained. I don’t send nude photos, I don’t perform for them, I rarely give back, if at all. They are free to dissipate into the vast sphere where I would never find a trace of them. That’s the beauty of being an online humiliatrix. It’s fleeting and temporary, although many of these men choose to remain under my hypnosis and subject themselves to written text where I criticize, humiliate and laugh at their misfortunes.
Several of my clients imagine what it would be like to physically serve me. One individual imagines that his cage—his residence—would sit inside of my closet where he would be released for a few moments during the day to perform cleaning tasks around my home. He imagines being forced to listen to my partner and I having intercourse through the door in his cage. He vows servitude to my partner and I, and much of his money is split between the two of us for dinner or an evening out.
People who participate in erotic humiliation find enjoyment in role reversal, traversing a societal taboo that declares men be masculine and women submissive.
1) He wakes me up with a “Good Morning” message.
2) He completes a task where he presents documentation (images, video, audio).
3) He sends me photos of his penis in a chastity.
4) He sends me money through various cash money applications.
I perform few tasks in exchange for his pleasure:
1) I type out a daily or weekly task with a deadline.
2) Sometimes I will send short videos through Snapchat of my feet or audio of my voice.
3) I sit and wait for the money to roll into my bank account.
Pythagoras wrote, “There is a good principle, which created order, light and man, and an evil principle, which created chaos, darkness and woman.” As a feminist, my moral philosophy is to enlighten, or at least shed light, on the men in my life who live in a world drenched in the doctrine that women are unequal, inferior and subordinate people. In my everyday life, I am not necessarily dominant with my partner. My work life is separate from my personal relationships. But female domination, especially for sex workers, is seen as a threat to men’s power. Being a humiliatrix is another job that indulges in the pleasures that these specific men seek in play-acting fantasy.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller writes that, “Although most people think of masochism as primarily involving physical pain, psychological pain, such as humiliation, frequently accompanies it.” The sex educator also notes a study from Finland that found 70 percent of people have participated in verbal humiliation.
Of course, we don’t have concrete evidence—yet— as to why some individuals enjoy verbal humiliation, but it could come from the societal norm of a male’s “natural sexual aggression” and a woman’s “natural sexual passivity.” BDSM was formally medicalized as abnormal since these roles can sometimes be reversed. People who participate in erotic humiliation find enjoyment in role reversal, traversing a societal taboo that declares men be masculine and women submissive. BDSM unveils sexual imagination—it allows practitioners to liberate themselves, while becoming my bottom.
In my world, and the world of many others, we verbally crush the balls of anyone willing to volunteer, toppling the jingoistic concept of traditional roles. Moreover, it’s important to remember that being a bottom isn’t always sexually stimulating in a traditional physical avenue. BDSM is more than sex—it’s a lifestyle.
Sasha, a BDSM submissive writes, “She tests men; sometimes She breaks them; but She can be merciful and indulgent. She is dangerous, She must be treated with due respect, but She knows men to their core. She knows our guilt and our shame, but She herself cannot be shocked. Therefore, She is (or, when she wants to, can be) a giver of permissions. In her bosom, all is well.”
