I’m not uncomfortable with this story because the idea of squirting makes me uncomfortable. I think that my, and many other woman’s discomfort, stems from the fact that squirting has been relegated to some kind of kinky sex act. Discussing my first squirting experience feels like an intimate act, because it is an intimate act. It’s directly linked to my pleasure. It’s also a sex act that’s a bit of a mystery.

There seems to be a great deal of misinformation floating around about female ejaculation, but the expulsion of fluid from the urethra is a fairly well-documented phenomenon,” says Dr. Jess O’Reilly, Astroglide’s resident sexologist. “The latest research reveals that the skene’s glands, which are a part of the G-Spot and drain into the urethra, are homologous to the prostate gland in men. Female ejaculation, like male ejaculation, is a sexually-induced reaction that may or may not coincide with orgasm.” According to O’Reilly, both anecdotal and scientific accounts claim that G-spot orgasms are what tend to be associated with ejaculation.

After that first experience, I started experimenting with my own ability to squirt, and found that it came pretty naturally once I realized what got me there. For me, stimulating both my G-spot and my clitoris sent me over the edge. But over the past few years, my ability to squirt has seriously diminished, and I wanted to know why.

O’Reilly says this is normal. Most women have the ability to ejaculate when they orgasm, but the phenomenon stops and starts for different reasons. “Some folks report that having toned pelvic floor muscles makes the contractions and associated expulsion of fluids more powerful, which might explain why some people dribble and others squirt,” O’Reilly says.

There’s also the fact that G-spot orgasms feel incredibly different than clitoral orgasms, and the sensation of having to pee is super apparent when one is having a G-spot orgasm. “Many of us tense up, contract our pelvic floor muscles or cease stimulation altogether in reaction to this sensation warding off orgasm entirely,” O’Reilly says. In other words, we’re so concerned with peeing all over our partner that we might subconsciously trick our bodies out of orgasm completely. By the way—Dr. O’Reilly says that if there is any urine in our squirts, it’s a very small amount. Men have pee in their ejaculate too, FYI, and we swallow that shit down with no problem. Tell your man he can do the same.

There are little ways, however, that we can “train” ourselves to squirt—whether you’ve done it before like me or you think you’ve never done it before. (Dr. O’Reilly says that for some women, ejaculation can go entirely unnoticed during sex. So you might have done it before without realizing it.) Firstly, she claims that patients tend to be more able to squirt when they’re feeling healthy and well-hydrated, so make sure you’re keeping yourself in tip-top shape. It’s a good idea to practice on yourself, so start there. “Curl two fingers into the vagina and press them into the upper wall in a come hither motion,” Dr. O’Reilly says. You can also insert fingers into the vagina and sweep them back and forth in a windshield wiper motion against the upper wall. A G-spot vibrator is a good toy to have, too. When you’re with a partner who has a penis, find positions that have their penis hitting your G-Spot. Girl on top is a great option for this.

For me, I’ve been playing with tapping or pressing against the stretch of skin just above my mons pubis when I have sex or masturbate—so the stretch of skin where, when you press on it, you feel like you’re hitting your bladder. O’Reilly says this is a good technique, because you’re pretty much sandwiching your G-spot between your bladder and your vagina, thus creating friction. Keeping your pelvic floor muscles in good shape is another way to bring a squirt on.

The most important thing, though, is not to sweat it. “Don’t get hung up on the outcome! Enjoy the experience,” Dr. O’Reilly says. “Pressure is the antithesis of pleasure.” Squirting isn’t the be-all-end-all of sex, after all. Just a word of advice, though. Try to warn your partner if you think you’re about to come. Nothing pulls you out of the mood faster than a choking boyfriend.